* * *
“I feel no shame about jumping on the Pats bandwagon. There are free reserved seats up front for all third-generation Red Sox fans.” - Grace, after the Oakland game.
* * *
“I’m extra pissed with a side order of mad.” - Lyah
* * *
“I’m looking for love, but I’m not about to pay for it.” - Lyah
* * *
“I like preaching to the converted. It’s easier.” - Margaret
* * *
“Or you could just call a matchmaker once you’ve picked out the dress." - Grace, referring to Margaret’s romantic prospects.
* * *
“Margaret should have been a man.” - Geera
* * *
“We used to have knights in shining armor on white horses - now we’ve got guys with piercings driving white cars.” - Margaret
* * *
Jillian: “I just wrote a song - it goes, `this is my life, this is my lliffffe, this is my liiiiiife!!’”
Margaret: “Wow, that could be the theme song for a show called, `This Is My Life’.”
Michele: “And Margaret wins the `Insightful Comment of the Day’ Award ...”
* * *
“My life’s ambition is to be an octopus.” - Jillian
* * *
“If I’m the highest link on the evolutionary chain, there’s something seriously wrong with the system.” - Jillian
* * *
“I exist solely for your amusement.” - Margaret
* * *
“Margaret, you’re priceless. Can we keep you around as a toy for the children?” - Grace
* * *
“I just got attacked by a pepperoni.” - Margaret
“A what? A purple orangutan?” - Jillian
* * *
“Most drug addicts I know are the sweetest people, when they’re not going through your drawers for money!” - Lyah
* * *
“AUGH!!! Oh my God, Playboy exploded!!!” - Lyah, upon seeing a picture of the interior decoration of Matt’s band’s studio.
* * *
“I don’t feel like talking to people with thick accents about credit cards right now.” - Grace
* * *
“This is the first of many scenes whose sole purpose is to establish that Mr. Darcy is a hunk-a hunk-a burnin’ love.” - Margaret
* * *
“Let’s not go running up to strange men in cars, okay?” - Jillian
* * *
“Oh, I’m so scared of your produce phallic symbol.” - Margaret, as Julia threatened her with a banana.
* * *
“Wait, why is Mr. Darcy in a carriage? Why isn’t he riding around the countryside being a hunk-a hunk-a burnin' love?" - Grace
* * *
“God gave you the gift of singing the Law and Order theme song, and dammit, you’re gonna let that light shine!” - Michele
* * *
“Can they be Scottish Ninjas?” - Margaret
* * *
“I watch Sesame Street every morning, and it’s starting to get out of control.” - Jillian
* * *
“Now there’s a workout tape for middle-aged women - Frump ‘n Pump.” - Margaret
“Pump the Frump!” - Jillian
* * *
“Hey, they didn’t have a gratuitous shot of Drew Carey laughing unflatteringly.” - Michele
* * *
“I’m pathetic and lonely and desperate, aren’t I?”
“Yeah, but so am I.”
“You have a boyfriend.”
“But he’s mean.”
- Margaret and Michele
* * *
“I don’t know how many shots I had, but the newspaper said it was six.” - Geera
* * *
“Honey, I was trying to glue the hairbrush to your leg with the Clear Cut Nail Polish, and some of the paint from the brush stuck to your leg, and now it looks like you have leprosy. (pause) I love you very much.” - Matt G., to Michele
* * *
“Let’s kill Margaret for her cookies. Friendship is important and all, but I have my priorities.” - Michele
* * *
“If I had that bedroom set and wore those pajamas, I’d be invisible. Ha ha - I can’t take finals if you can’t see me!” - Michele
* * *
“If you want to get a girl to jump into a vat of hot chocolate pudding with you, you have to have clean ears.” - Nate
* * *
“A needle in your spine is better than a canteloupe in your vagina. Especially when it’s going the wrong way.” - My mother, describing natural childbirth vs. epidurals.
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