2014, Part I

Yeah, yeah, it's been almost a year.  Sorry.  I haven't been recording as many quotes as I usually do, but I VOW TO DO BETTER, so here's a small batch from the last 11 months to start you off:


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"There's a fairly short time limit to being able to pass off steroid-filled ferrets as poodles." - Marion


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"I can imagine a bunch of crazed Alaskans running around in diapers on Christmas day. I really can." - Margaret

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"I can't suck your schwenkfelder - I'm looking for my shuttlewart." - Margaret


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"You hate llamas and roadkill.  You fascists." - Margaret


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"You guys make Alaskans dressed as Baby Jesus cry." - Catherine


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"The table is such a mess - it's all covered with pate and wrapping paper." - Margaret

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"I think you're doing something right if your characters are on an epic undercover mission to kill you." - Catherine

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"Every good story ends with tap dancing sheep." -Malcolm

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"This is a communist household. 'From each according to their ability, to each according to their needs'." - Margaret

"So I'm Stalin and you're Chairman Mao." - Malcolm

"... is this some sort of kinky roleplay thing?" - Margaret

"If we can get the costumes and moustaches sorted out, sure." - Malcolm

"So will there be a permanent revolution ... in your pants?" - Margaret

"There'll definitely be a long march." - Malcolm

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"Could you get some milk and dry cat food?  Because I need to make carbonara." - Margaret

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"I had such good intentions yesterday - brought sunscreen, brought a bottle of water, etc.  But the sunscreen washed off, the water got contaminated with moat water so I threw it at people instead, and then I drank Chinese bathtub liquor all day. - Catherine

"You are, of course, a miserable excuse for a person, crafted from the scrapings of Satan's filthiest codpiece. But at least you have cheese." - Pam

2013, Part III.

A few of mine and one of Cat's that got left off the last update by accident:
 
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"That's it, I'm officially the fastest screw in the Hampstead Players." - Margaret


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"THERE WILL BE NO DONGING IN THE VESTRY." - Margaret


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"David, stop scaring the nice lady with your face." - Margaret

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"Liturgical whiplash: that disoriented feeling you get when you're simultaneously thinking about Ash Wednesday stuff, Easter stuff, and Baptism stuff." - Margaret
 
"Dunk the kid's head in ashes. Then perch a Peep on top of it.  Sorted." - Catherine

2013, Part II.

"So you got to go out with the girls last night while I stayed home and cleaned sweetcorn out of the bathtub." - Malcolm

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"This chair is dirty and I need to clean it." - Margaret

"It is dirty because of caticles.  Caticles in catacombs. Singing canticles." - Malcolm

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"Your subconscious is full of books and storms and churches and interior decorating and RAGE." - Catherine

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"Right. I'm going to have some celery.  With mayonnaise.  Because that's how fucking hard I am." - Malcolm

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 "I've juggled with empty wine bottles before.  They have a neck to get purchase on, so it's better than milk bottles, but still probably not a great idea.  But honestly, if you have three empty wine bottles, you're probably not making the best decisions anyway." - Malcolm

2013, Part I.

"Starting 2013 as I mean to go on: slightly drunk, talking about sheep skulls, in possession of ChapStick, and not wearing underwear." - Margaret

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"It was basically a weekend-long panic attack, interspersed with bouts of binge drinking.  It was BRILLIANT." - Margaret

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"EVERYBODY knows that a fruit bat in utero means you secretly hate your mother." - Liz

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"The feeling as he entered me was like ... a penguin. Diving into a ... sauna." - Malcolm writes his own version of "Fifty Shades of Grey"

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"A PINE MARTEN would have been a lot more decisive there." - Margaret

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"So we'll retrieve my knickers from the pub and then get some lunch." - Margaret

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"I'm going to Google Mr. Head." - Moray 

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"Rapey AND racist!" - Margaret
"Rapeyracist dot com!" - Catherine
"Know your market!" - Pam

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"Can I flip your goose?" - Malcolm
"Only if you buy it dinner first." - Catherine

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"You're a girl.  Do you wanna have fun?" - Malcolm
"Yes." - Margaret
"But do you JUST wanna have fun?" - Malcolm
"No." - Margaret
"Pop culture has LIED to me." - Malcolm 
  

2012, Part V

"It's rehydration through the power of racism!" - Catherine

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"I just want to see a robot in MC Hammer pants!!" - Pam

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"So, it's Barney Miller and Optimus Time - robot from the future - in MC Hammer pants ..." - Pam

"AND THEY FIGHT CRIME." - Margaret

"Stop!  Miller time!" - Pam

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"It makes a great conversation piece!" - Margaret

"Yes - would you like some chips and dip?" - Pam

"In the skull of a French hobo?" - Margaret

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"Did it start with a discussion of the local parking authority?" - Malcolm

"No." - Margaret

"Then it's not GOOD porn, IS it?" - Malcolm

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"So I'm searching for a book called 'Children's Ministry that Fits' - Amazon gave me that, but also 'hairdressers' single tap shampoo hose attachment'." - Margaret

"Well, I think that's important.  I mean - if you don't have good hair ..." - Malcolm

"Then Jesus doesn't love you?" - Margaret

"Pretty much, yes." - Malcolm

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“Nun urine and hamster ovaries, Malcolm – that’s what I’m talking about.  It’s also the name of my Black Sabbath tribute band.” – Margaret

“I was thinking more along the lines of a delicious soup.” – Malcolm

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“Green eggs and ham, yum yum yum yum.

When the rain stops, I’ll go shag mum.” – Moray does Dr. Seuss

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“There is no fourth base, Moray.” – Margaret

“Oh, isn’t there?  Oh yes, I remember – I’ve had this problem with Catherine too …” – Moray