* * *
* * *
“So you changed your name to Gerald and moved to Switzerland …” – Catherine
“Well, who hasn’t?” – Margaret
* * *
“I just wanted to stick a fish full of pencils, that’s all I wanted!!” – Margaret
* * *
“I think it’s definitely a problem if Malcolm has been transformed into that blue plastic stegosaurus. Because stegosauruses can’t sign the marriage register. Because they don’t have thumbs” – Margaret, in tones of despair
* * *
“How awesome would it be if the Queen just randomly stuck her head out the windows of Buckingham Palace and shouted stuff at the tourists?” – Margaret
“Like, ‘hey, you kids, GET OFF MY LAWN!!’” – Catherine
“Or, ‘ARE YOU READY TO RUMMMBBBBLLLE?!’.” – Margaret
* * *
“So you’d be like, ‘Hi, my name is Malcolm, and for the last twenty years, I’ve been counting clowns in the forest’.” – Margaret
“… there aren’t many.” – Malcolm
* * *
My goodness, you’re demanding. No breaks, no pay … I need a bubble-blowing union! - Margaret, to Peter
* * *
"You want me to call Annie and say, 'I need to know whether my tomatoes have developed botulism toxim - so what does Joan Rivers smell like?'" - Catherine
* * *
"I hate him!" - Margaret
"But he's so obnoxious and oversexed!" - Catherine
"Yes, and I don't like the competition." - Margaret
* * *
"I'm just trying to do my job and I'm surrounded by porn stars and tramps smoking crack in the toilets!" - Margaret
* * *
"I'm not going to get my dad JESUS for Christmas." - Catherine
"Yeah, Jesus is expensive." - Margaret
"Top-grade Jesus, yeah."
"Though actually, I could get Grace to turn this bread dough into Jesus for free." - Margaret
"You've got connections." - Catherine
"I have, at that." - Margaret
* * *
"It's actually kind of sick, when you think about it." - Margaret
"What, that we're taunting him with a tiny human hand?" - Catherine
* * *
"Oh my God, you made a person! And you didn't need a licence or anything? They don't even let people do that in laboratories! And they're SCIENTISTS!" - Catherine
* * *
"Do you think the beadle will understand the word 'babymama'?" - Catherine
* * *
"You COULD do kinky roleplays when you were eighty. Everyone would just think you had Alzheimer's." - Catherine
* * *
"'O ye of little cheese!' That's what I'm going to say the next time someone offers me miniature cheese. Which ... doesn't happen as often as I'd like." - Catherine
"You're a very peculiar person; did you know that?" - Margaret
