* * *
“It’s not lying if it’s true.” – Margaret
“YES IT IS!!” – Catherine
* * *
“Your neurology paper probably shouldn’t include the phrase, ‘filled with cheesy goodness’.” – Catherine
* * *
Grace: ...Right, on Saturday I'm going to Cromwell bridge for the Cow thing.
Marion: The cow thing...?
Grace: It's...it's in this pile somewhere...
Marion: The COW??
* * *
“Mutant penguins are very discriminated against!” – Catherine
* * *
“You can be like, ‘here’s a small child to dress up. Now please remove the tutu from the beagle’.” – Catherine
* * *
“Yay, let’s talk about boys and buying stuff for the house!”
“Oh God, we’re such girls.”
“Hey, I had an extended conversation about Middle East policy at coffee hour today, so I feel all right.”
“And I read most of The New Statesman, so I’m in the clear.”
- Margaret and Catherine
* * *
“You get really Thatcherite when you want free furniture.” – Catherine
* * *
“If they were like, ‘We’ve got an unpaid internship and you have to eat paste,’ I’d be like, ‘I’m so there!’” – Catherine
* * *
“I wish the bloody meat would stop migrating around the china cabinet.” – Mommy
* * *
“And Haephaistion’s all like, ‘damn, I’ve got to get out my copy of Macedonian and Muscly’.” – Margaret
* * *
“Is that going to be your chat-up line from now on? ‘Come home with me – I’ve got a laminator’?” – Matthew
“No, it’s always been my chat-up line; it’s just that now it’ll be true.” – Moray
* * *
“We could make hats! We could make big nerd hats we could wear!” – Catherine
“Not now, I have to work tomorrow.” – Margaret
* * *
“You guys are heathens! You pee on things for no reason!” – Catherine
* * *
“al-Qaeda isn’t really all about science.” – Kevin
* * *
“Primark is like bisexuality. Everyone’s dabbled but nobody will admit it.” – Alex Scott
* * *
“Hey, they’ve got good music, good beer, and beautiful countryside –“
“SHEEP!!!!!!!”
“And really dysfunctional families!”
“Yay!”
- Margaret and Marion, discussing Ireland
* * *
“I wish I knew more weirdos’ phone numbers.” – Josh
* * *
“I’m such a cheese slut.” – Catherine
“You’re such an everything slut.” – Margaret
* * *
"I don't think Javert has read his new 'Community Policing' manual." - Margaret
* * *
“Sorry, you were saying something, before I took the Emo-train all the way to All-About-Me Town …” – Margaret
* * *
“Hey, that’s actually a grammatically correct sentence!” – Margaret
“Your mom’s actually a grammatically correct sentence.” – Marion
* * *
* * *
Leah: It has mansex, which is always a plus. except when you need one of the men to stay home and change the baby.
Margaret: Yeah, well, that doesn't really come up here. Sometimes you need one of the men to stay behind and train the companion cavalry, but that's not quite the same thing.
Leah: No, not quite. But in any age, you need them to kill big bugs.
Margaret: That's very true. And Persia and India have some pretty big bugs. As well as, like, people with spears who are trying to kill you.
Leah: I can deal with the people with the spears. That's just human nature and they're pretty easy to spot from a distance. But bugs are stealthy.
Margaret: Yeah, but when they outnumber you three to one, it becomes a bit of a different story.
Leah: That's why it's good to have an expendable friend with you. I slept better when I lived with Leah [Clark] because I knew I had a 50/50 chance of survival if a psycho killer broke in.
Margaret: Oh, what do you think I have Catherine for? And why do you think her bedroom is closer to the door?
* * *
“We all have hidden talents. Mine just happens to be for conspiracy theories that involve the dog having supernatural powers.” – Leah
* * *
"I'm formulating a new policy. It's called 'DIE, MOTHERFUCKERS, DIE!'." - Chris
* * *
“He's too broody. We'd be like, Clive, come play Frisbee and he'd be like, no, I have to finish contemplating my intense suffering at the hands of perky American females. Bring me hot tea and cyanide.” – Leah, explaining why we should not allow Clive Owen to be one of the survivors of a nuclear holocaust predicted by her dog.
* * *
“I don't know how John Williams started out but I'm guessing that his first job wasn't trying to write music to underscore a blow job.” – Xander
* * *
“It's kind of funny, in a way, because they know that this is the message every man-product tries to convey but they just said "fuck it - why bother veiling it behind some fragile metaphor? Let's just cast a butt-load of naked women to feel up this guy who is using our product."” – Michele
* * *
Michele: my friend Marisa just informed me that they make miniature cows now. I want to start a whole miniature farm
Margaret: THAT WOULD ROCK. I'd dress up in pigtails and lead hoedowns for the tourists.
Michele: We have a shed at the edge of our property that I could turn into a miniature barn.
Margaret: However, to get the thing right, we'd really have to get a midget to dress up in pigtails and lead hoedowns. I could kneel.
Michele: I think the tiny cows actually produce (tiny amounts of) milk also
Margaret: Well, of course. They are actual mammals.
Michele: And if we were in a pinch, delicious tiny porterhouses.
* * *
“I don't know what you think you're doing in marrying him, honestly. You'll have all the socks and marshmallows you need, but is that really enough?” – Margaret
* * *
"Soulless monsters don't fully appreciate the novelty of hand puppets." - Michele
* * *
"I was once in Brixton at 3 a.m. with a trombonist." - Margaret
"Is that the set-up to a joke or just a statement?" - Kevin
* * *
"Wouldn't it be funny if Starbucks hosted the walk for ADHD research, and served tons of free coffee? 'Let us all experience how an ADHD child feels all the time ...'." - Michele
* * *
"He wouldn't spend enough time with me! He's be all like, 'I have to go die to save the world' and I'd be like, 'what about my needs?'" - Catherine, on why she wouldn't date Jesus.
* * *
Margaret: "I''m being Platonic here."
Catherine: "Okay, so your logic is a pale imitation of real logic."
Margaret: "... now where do the potatoes come in?"
* * *
"This afternoon has been kinda Dada-esque." - Margaret
* * *
"I'd be like, 'Carne, as part of my on-the-job training, can I pimp your ride?" - Catherine
* * *
"Black tea is for heathens and sugar is for whores - and other handy household tips from Margaret." - Catherine
* * *
"Well, someone has to maintain standards of decency around here!" - Margaret
* * *
"Sigh. What is it with me and dead boys with Cupid's-bow mouths?" - Margaret
* * *
"I dunno, but they make you want to write novels. And that's just about the weirdest fetish I've ever heard." - Catherine
* * *
"I mean, you've got quite a few male friends now. You could definitely put a press gang together." - Catherine
* * *
"American girl with cleavage seeks virgin with title." - Margaret puts together the itinerary for her and Jean's trip to Eton.
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