2014, Part I

Yeah, yeah, it's been almost a year.  Sorry.  I haven't been recording as many quotes as I usually do, but I VOW TO DO BETTER, so here's a small batch from the last 11 months to start you off:


* * *


"There's a fairly short time limit to being able to pass off steroid-filled ferrets as poodles." - Marion


* * *

"I can imagine a bunch of crazed Alaskans running around in diapers on Christmas day. I really can." - Margaret

* * *


"I can't suck your schwenkfelder - I'm looking for my shuttlewart." - Margaret


* * *


"You hate llamas and roadkill.  You fascists." - Margaret


* * *


"You guys make Alaskans dressed as Baby Jesus cry." - Catherine


* * *

"The table is such a mess - it's all covered with pate and wrapping paper." - Margaret

* * *

"I think you're doing something right if your characters are on an epic undercover mission to kill you." - Catherine

* * *

"Every good story ends with tap dancing sheep." -Malcolm

* * *

"This is a communist household. 'From each according to their ability, to each according to their needs'." - Margaret

"So I'm Stalin and you're Chairman Mao." - Malcolm

"... is this some sort of kinky roleplay thing?" - Margaret

"If we can get the costumes and moustaches sorted out, sure." - Malcolm

"So will there be a permanent revolution ... in your pants?" - Margaret

"There'll definitely be a long march." - Malcolm

* * *

"Could you get some milk and dry cat food?  Because I need to make carbonara." - Margaret

* * *

"I had such good intentions yesterday - brought sunscreen, brought a bottle of water, etc.  But the sunscreen washed off, the water got contaminated with moat water so I threw it at people instead, and then I drank Chinese bathtub liquor all day. - Catherine

"You are, of course, a miserable excuse for a person, crafted from the scrapings of Satan's filthiest codpiece. But at least you have cheese." - Pam

2013, Part III.

A few of mine and one of Cat's that got left off the last update by accident:
 
* * *

"That's it, I'm officially the fastest screw in the Hampstead Players." - Margaret


* * *



"THERE WILL BE NO DONGING IN THE VESTRY." - Margaret


* * *

"David, stop scaring the nice lady with your face." - Margaret

* * *


"Liturgical whiplash: that disoriented feeling you get when you're simultaneously thinking about Ash Wednesday stuff, Easter stuff, and Baptism stuff." - Margaret
 
"Dunk the kid's head in ashes. Then perch a Peep on top of it.  Sorted." - Catherine

2013, Part II.

"So you got to go out with the girls last night while I stayed home and cleaned sweetcorn out of the bathtub." - Malcolm

* * *
"This chair is dirty and I need to clean it." - Margaret

"It is dirty because of caticles.  Caticles in catacombs. Singing canticles." - Malcolm

* * *

"Your subconscious is full of books and storms and churches and interior decorating and RAGE." - Catherine

* * *

"Right. I'm going to have some celery.  With mayonnaise.  Because that's how fucking hard I am." - Malcolm

* * *

 "I've juggled with empty wine bottles before.  They have a neck to get purchase on, so it's better than milk bottles, but still probably not a great idea.  But honestly, if you have three empty wine bottles, you're probably not making the best decisions anyway." - Malcolm

2013, Part I.

"Starting 2013 as I mean to go on: slightly drunk, talking about sheep skulls, in possession of ChapStick, and not wearing underwear." - Margaret

* * *

"It was basically a weekend-long panic attack, interspersed with bouts of binge drinking.  It was BRILLIANT." - Margaret

* * *

"EVERYBODY knows that a fruit bat in utero means you secretly hate your mother." - Liz

* * *

"The feeling as he entered me was like ... a penguin. Diving into a ... sauna." - Malcolm writes his own version of "Fifty Shades of Grey"

* * *

"A PINE MARTEN would have been a lot more decisive there." - Margaret

* * *

"So we'll retrieve my knickers from the pub and then get some lunch." - Margaret

* * *

"I'm going to Google Mr. Head." - Moray 

* * * 

"Rapey AND racist!" - Margaret
"Rapeyracist dot com!" - Catherine
"Know your market!" - Pam

* * *

"Can I flip your goose?" - Malcolm
"Only if you buy it dinner first." - Catherine

* * *

"You're a girl.  Do you wanna have fun?" - Malcolm
"Yes." - Margaret
"But do you JUST wanna have fun?" - Malcolm
"No." - Margaret
"Pop culture has LIED to me." - Malcolm 
  

2012, Part V

"It's rehydration through the power of racism!" - Catherine

* * *

"I just want to see a robot in MC Hammer pants!!" - Pam

* * *

"So, it's Barney Miller and Optimus Time - robot from the future - in MC Hammer pants ..." - Pam

"AND THEY FIGHT CRIME." - Margaret

"Stop!  Miller time!" - Pam

* * *

"It makes a great conversation piece!" - Margaret

"Yes - would you like some chips and dip?" - Pam

"In the skull of a French hobo?" - Margaret

* * *

"Did it start with a discussion of the local parking authority?" - Malcolm

"No." - Margaret

"Then it's not GOOD porn, IS it?" - Malcolm

* * *

"So I'm searching for a book called 'Children's Ministry that Fits' - Amazon gave me that, but also 'hairdressers' single tap shampoo hose attachment'." - Margaret

"Well, I think that's important.  I mean - if you don't have good hair ..." - Malcolm

"Then Jesus doesn't love you?" - Margaret

"Pretty much, yes." - Malcolm

* * *

“Nun urine and hamster ovaries, Malcolm – that’s what I’m talking about.  It’s also the name of my Black Sabbath tribute band.” – Margaret

“I was thinking more along the lines of a delicious soup.” – Malcolm

* * *

“Green eggs and ham, yum yum yum yum.

When the rain stops, I’ll go shag mum.” – Moray does Dr. Seuss

* * *

“There is no fourth base, Moray.” – Margaret

“Oh, isn’t there?  Oh yes, I remember – I’ve had this problem with Catherine too …” – Moray

2012, Part IV

On how "talking about roads" is a national pastime in England: "They're going to make it an Olympic sport.  They'll have judges, who will say 'I liked the way you used the ring roads around Birmingham, but the route through Chippenham left a little to be desired, so it's a 6.7'." - Malcolm

 "I propose we celebrate peace with cake and make the Germans foot the bill. That's never ended badly." - Cousin Abby

“Ninjas!  Embrace your herpes!” – Liz

"Not every sexual act has to involve a bassoon!  THE BASSOON IS FOR HITLER!" - Catherine

"And then your twenty-year-old self and frosted-perm Hitler would come for you.  With a bassoon.  And they'd be PISSED." - Pam

"Your guilt is about spoiling their fun, not your attempt to be an illicit lizard pornographer?" - Pam
 

And a few Facebook conversations, saved for posterity:

Pam: 7 hours of training, 24 attendees, garden trashed by 2 cows, 2 office staff involved in motorbike crash, 3 bandaged limbs, 1 still in hospital (but not serious), 1 website launched. Pretty uneventful day really - so far.
Catherine: Now, if the garden had been trashed by 24 cows on motorbikes, that would be a different story.
Pam: Those bovine bike gangs are vicious.
Margaret: If the garden had been trashed by 24 cows on motorbikes, that would have been AWESOME. But Cat has an irrational and morbid fear of cows, so we can't take her opinions on this too seriously.
Catherine: IT IS NOT IRRATIONAL YOU WOULD HAVE A MORBID FEAR OF COWS TOO IF THEY KEPT TRYING TO KILL YOU.
Pam: So you address this by... eating them? Nothing shows them who's boss like a side of mash and some tarragon sauce.
Liz:They're not trying to kill you, they're trying to send you a message. The bovine underground network needs your help. Way less creepy.
Pam: You're the Chosen One, destined to lead the cows out of their delicious meaty slavery and into their true place as our almighty overlords... that's even more creepy.
Liz: I, for one, welcome our new bovine overlords.
Pam: I'd be fine with it too, so long as there could be some sort of Logan's Run carousel deal where they'd willingly die while still tender. They could call it Soylent Red.
Alec (friend of Pam's):  Cows on motorbikes? I can handle that, but we're all fucked once the sharks grow legs!

Moray:  Weather forecasts...what is the f~€%ing point?
Margaret: Jobs for poor unemployed TV presenters. It's a charity project in these tough times.
Liz: They're just trying to keep the mystery alive! Why do you hate the mystery? Are you dead inside?
Margaret: Moray not only hates mystery, but PUPPIES, FREEDOM and AMERICA. At least, that's what I took away from this status.
Liz: Tut tut. This is why the world is in the state it's in. Because of Moray.
Catherine: Yeah, only soulless puppy-haters use BOTH a euro sign AND a tilde in their statuses. Shun the unbeliever in weather forecasts!
Catherine: ‎(Don't you love how, within two hours of you griping about weather forecasts, three of your friends have turned out to condemn you as a hater who's dead inside? That's what we're here for! :))
Moray: Awwww...it's 'cos you know me so well. As I looked out at the glorious sunshine and cursed, it was nice to know that, despite my ugly, withered soul, you guys are there for me. It would have warmed my heart if I had one.
Margaret: I'm glad we warm your empty, hollow chest cavity. Now go find some three-legged puppies to kick and cheer yourself up.

 

2012, Part III

"I worry about the time that passes between me and my death." – Moray, on why he doesn’t read more

"When the heart is pure, the sofabed opens like the lotus flower. But when the heart is full of wickedness, the sofabed gets stuck halfway open and then makes a noise like 'KER-CRUNCH' and causes one to swear in creative ways." – Margaret

"Kitten jumpitude today is at red level." - Margaret

"Jumpitude patrols are on standby." - Malcolm"

"Warning: kitten jumpitude has been observed in your local area. Citizens are advised to take cover and await further instructions." - Margaret

"I'm bisexual when it comes to bacon." – Margaret

"I was born on November 12, 1963." - Harlequin

"Ten days before Kennedy was assassinated." - Margaret

"... alibi ... ?" – Moray

2012, Part II.

“WE ARE ON INSTANT MESSENGER FOR FIFTEEN MINUTES AND ALREADY TIME-TRAVELLING JEEVES IS HAVING SEX WITH CAPTAIN JACK WHILE SMUGGLING ARMS FOR THE SANS-CULOTTES NAPOLEONIC RESISTANCE.” - Margaret

“Instant Messenger 2004: we write brilliantly erotic, politically aware slash fiction. Instant Messenger 2012: we make plans to enslave our hapless single male friends as our pirate butlers. I'm not sure if our lives have improved or gotten a lot worse.” - Margaret

“You know what?  We should have a drinking game for The Apprentice, but because we're not drinking alcohol at the moment, we should drink TEA.  Wouldn't that be fun?"
"No. That would be boring."
"No, it would be AWESOME.  Like, every time they said 'Lord Sugar,' we'd be like, 'sluuuuurp'."
"No. That would be boring."
"Malcolm, I just don't think you're ready to handle my wild partying lifestyle." - Margaret and Malcolm

"It involves interior design and judging people - how could I NOT love it??" - Margaret

"I spend all day figuring out how to teach children about Jesus - I just want to come home and relax with some cocaine and hookers!" - Margaret

"STOP THE TRAIN! I'M METROSEXUAL!!" - Malcolm

“While I'm filled with the love of the Holy Spirit, I'll look out for the gay foot fetishists checking out my socks.” - Catherine

“Now I just have to sit here and smoke Jesus ...” - Margaret

“I'm just saying, if you're going to have a fetish, feet are more readily available than soft-bosomed clown dentists.” - Liz

“Board me rig, booze tit vixen!” - Margaret

“We played poker last night and now you have to make out with a sheep. That you may or may not have to catch.” - Catherine

“I mean, I DID threaten him with a knife once ...” - Catherine

“Yeah, but it was a long time ago, and it COULD have been an accident.” - Margaret

“I feel a sudden irresitible urge to get a vajazzle and spit on a tramp.” - Margaret, upon crossing the border into Essex

“You can't shivvy RAPE!!” - Liz

“We can go into the woods and sacrifice Liz to the God of the arse-nettles.” - Margaret

2011, part VI and 2012 part I

We lost a lot of quotes when the computer was stolen – that's why there's been such a gap. But here are the ones that remain.

* * *

"That's the kind of mum I hope I'm going to be." - Margaret
"What, a duvet cover?" - Malcolm

* * *

“You know things are getting bad when a call centre hangs up on you.” - Malcolm

* * *

"She says 'yoga retreat' the way other people might say 'concentration camp'." - Catherine

* * *

Pam: I can't believe they were going to release a motorbike called the Honda Smash. That's like having one called the Yamaha Carnage.
Cat: The Honda Oh God The Blood It's Everywhere.
Pam: The Kawasaki THE HORROR.

* * *

"It always ends with interpretive dance, Margaret. Always." - Sarah Day

* * *

"Come sit here on the couch next to me so I can watch your Bulgarian television." - Marion, from ages ago

2011, Part V.

I'm sure there were some from the trip to America, but I didn't write any of them down. So if anyone recalls anything funny that was said, let me know! In the meantime, here are some from before we left:

***

“I loved Brownies – at least, until the cops showed up.” – Malcolm

***

“You don’t get badges for being a Scout leader. Except for ‘yay – Head Paedophile!’” – Malcolm

***

“We’re perfectly sane! We have a flowchart!” – Cat

***

“You can move faster without pants.” – Moray

***

“WHERE ARE YOUR ARMOURED PANTS NOW??” – Liz

***

“We have to demystify knifeplay for the child.” – Margaret

“Yeah – send him to Auntie Liz. I’ll teach him all about playing with knives.” – Liz

***

“Kentucky – it’s all guns and paedophilia.” – Margaret

***

“Kentucky snuff porn – that’s how our dinner parties end up!” – Cat

***

“I was about to say ‘I’m off to go Holborning’ but then I realised that makes a really bad verb.” – Meg

“Hey, burn a ho for me while you’re there!” – Margaret

***

“Right, I’m going to go get a bottle of wine and a screwdriver. Because I’ve got MY night planned!” – Malcolm

***

WARNING: TMI COMING UP!!! LOOK AWAY NOW UNLESS YOU'RE OKAY WITH THAT. AND DON'T SAY YOU WEREN'T WARNED.

(this was in response to a dream I'd had in which someone was posting everyone's penis size on Facebook.)

“So it wouldn’t bother you AT ALL if I put ‘my husband’s penis is so big it’s like a TANK’ on Facebook RIGHT NOW?” – Margaret

“I think it would bother you more than it would bother me, so yeah, I’m prepared to call your bluff.” – Malcolm

“If I wrote, ‘It’s so big it’s like A JET ENGINE THAT CAN CHOP UP GEESE?’ You’d be okay with that?” – Margaret

“The purpose of a penis is not to chop up geese.” – Malcolm

“IT’S A SIMILE!!!” – Margaret

2011, Part IV.

"I literally walked into the bar five minutes ago." - Malcolm
"As opposed to metaphorically walking into the bar?" - Margaret
"Oh yeah, metaphorically I walked into the bar an hour and a half ago! Metaphorically, I'm pissed already!" - Malcolm

* * *

"This is what I get for missing out on fellating the pepper shaker earlier." - Grace

* * *

"... says the man with the socks on his ears, who just dry-humped the chair ..." - Grace

* * *

"Coconuts are the most prudish of the fruits, I think."

"I think they have a bad effect on you afterwards. So really, you shouldn't sleep with a coconut."

- Catherine and Liz

* * *

"Well, anything goes when you're gay and at a minor-league baseball game." - Margaret

* * *

"You're just a sad pathetic person with a nice cardigan." - Margaret

* * *

"What, you feel like you have to put on your hat to say 'bupkis'?" - Grace

* * *

"Do you think they kidnapped a child to get laminate flooring for free, or are they just biding their time until the ransom comes in?" - Catherine

* * *
“I was an ICT Coordinator. I know that turning it off and on again solves 90% of problems.” – Malcolm

“Yeah, well, when I was working on an Intensive Care Unit, it didn’t work so well with the life support machines …” – Catherine

“It was the alarm that kept throwing you off. You HAVE to remember to turn the ALARM off.” – Liz

* * *

“Who knew that there were SO many stories about living in a bathroom?” – Liz

* * *

“That’s how we grow in Africa! We start with the head and just grow out!” – Liz

“Yeah, we always think the shrunken heads are the END of the process …” – Catherine

* * *

“Would you be interested in cutting the cord? Because they let dads do that if they want to.” – Margaret

“Would I be allowed to use a samurai sword? If so, definitely. Either that or a chainsaw.” – Malcolm

* * *

“Well, I have an ‘incendiary device hidden inside a vegetable’ story too!” – Liz

* * *

“So a marrow is a cross between a shotgun and a baby …” – Malcolm

* * *
"Wait, they don't die?"
"No, they don't die."
"FAIL." - Mommy and Marion on "Web Site Story"

* * *

I've found a few old quotes that never made it in:

* * *

"How do you know I couldn't love you?! Take that knife out of your stomach and you'd actually be pretty hot!" - Margaret

* * *

"I was hoping you were paying so much attention to the sympathetic shoulder-rubbing that you didn't notice the face-stabbing." - Catherine

* * *

"It's the outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual grace." - Margaret
"What is, Leyton?" - Catherine

* * *

Margaret: Max, you have to show leadership by example.

Max: I am NOT going to show leadership by bringing three interns into a porn photoshoot!

* * *

"I need to go down to the supermarket and hunter-gather some meat." - Kevin Josling (in, like, 2006)

2011, Part III.

A bunch of new quotes - we've been prolific! Also, a few that I rediscovered going through old emails.

****

“This is SPARTAAAA!” – Catherine

“… no it’s not, it’s Leyton.” – Margaret

“This is LEYTOOOOOOON!!!!!” – Catherine

“Seriously, though, sack the place. It would look exactly the same. I look at pictures of BAGHDAD, and I think, ‘hey, that looks like Leyton!’” – Margaret

“Hmm.” – Catherine

“Specifically, Baker’s Arms.” – Margaret

***

“I was anointing your feet like Mary Magdalene did to Jesus.” – Margaret

“No you fucking weren’t! You just spilled raita all over my feet! Mary Magdalene didn’t go, ‘Whoops! Oh crap! I just spilled shit all over your feet!’” – Malcolm

“We don’t know that. The Gospel record is incomplete.” – Margaret

“Oh, it’s just like the Last Supper. Maybe the whole thing was over a pizza.” – Malcolm

“So the whole thing was just a tragic misunderstanding over a takeaway. Jesus just didn’t like pizza crusts! He was passing them around – ‘hey, does anyone want my crusts?’” – Margaret

“ ‘REMEMBER! I don’t LIKE CRUSTS. Whenever you order pizza, REMEMBER ME. REMEMBER I DON’T LIKE CRUSTS.” – Malcolm

“Now if there had been a stuffed crust option available …” – Margaret

“Pizza Hut was tragically too late.” – Malcolm

“The WHOLE HISTORY of Western Civilisation would have been different if there had been STUFFED CRUST PIZZA at the Last Supper.” – Margaret

***

“Yeah, that spider [in Australia] was literally as big as my hand. So I screamed and somersaulted back into the house and everyone else came downstairs, and they were all either from England or Canada, so THEY screamed and ran away.” – Malcolm

“What did you do?” – Catherine

“We just closed the door and locked it.” – Malcolm

“I love that you LOCKED it.” – Catherine

***

“I TOLD you just to dispose of the body quietly, but noooooo, you HAD to take a trophy …” – Liz

***

“I pity the fool who don’t want my homemade fudge!!” – Catherine

***

“I’m going to be the whitest woman who ever had children with Mr. T.” – Catherine

***

“I was outside with the Year Ones looking for signs of spring, and a fucking fly flew into my mouth.”

“That is a sign of spring.”

“Yeah, I got the irony at the time, thank you.” - Margaret and Catherine

***

“Josh: "Money is good, Derryfield [school] is easy, and they have coffeemakers."
Grace: "Quote Board!"
Peter (age 3): "Qo' Boar'!"”

***

Damn straight. (pause) Or maybe I'm God. (pause) Does God make brownies? –Josh

***

Margaret: Seeeee the USA, in your Chevrolet, America wants you to -
Malcolm: Margaret, you cannot subject me to this any longer.
Margaret: Let me call you sweetheart, I’m in love with you -
Malcolm: I have something to tell you. The wedding registry - I signed it with my right hand instead of my left. We're not really married -
Margaret: WHERE OH WHERE HAS MY LITTLE DOG GONE, OH WHERE OH WHERE CAN HE BE -
Malcolm: It was a forgery! A trick! I don't have to stay here!
Margaret: HEEEEEE'S HOME, HOME ON THE RANGE -
Malcolm: I'M LEAVING!
Margaret: WHERE THEY CHOP DOWN THE OLD OAK TREE!

2011, Part II.

***

“Nouns are for sissies!” – Margaret

“That’s what I’ve always said! Nouns are for … um … those things!” – Catherine

***

“I have no idea what any of this means. I think these people are high.” – Margaret, reading submission guidelines for a literary journal

“I definitely think they’re high. And they have a thesaurus.” – Catherine

***

“It’s LEYTON! You could find crack MUCH more easily than you could find paté!” – Margaret

***

“I intend to resist the temptation to make edible animals. Life is short.” – Mommy

***

“A RACIST Bank Holiday?” – Catherine

“No! Races – COMMA – Bank Holidays –“ – Margaret

“Oh, okay. So what would a Racist Bank Holiday look like? ‘The shops are closed and we hate you’?” – Catherine

***

“I’m just worried that our child will get your physical risk-taking and my lack of coordination. He’ll be lighting himself on fire while tripping over his own feet.” – Margaret

***

“If I had a velociraptor, I would so watch ‘Downton Abbey’ with him.” – Catherine

***

“I think I’ll make this for the party.” (shows online recipe)

“A website?”

- Catherine and Malcolm

***

“Grammar. It’s a matter of life and death.” – Catherine

***

“I hate you, small, blind, psychic Margaret!” - Catherine

***

“Yes, but decant it into the crystal decanter, not the glass one! WE ARE NOT BARBARIANS!!!” – Margaret

***

“Yes, but how do we get the llamas into pants?” – Catherine

***

“I think we should have some French toast.” – Catherine

“Yes. And then we’ll sedate us some llamas.” – Margaret

***

“It’s a vicious cycle of unemployment and perfectionism.” – Liz

***

]# - Celia’s first attempt at the written word

***

“You do know it [the fencing foil] isn’t pointy, right?”

“YET. I’m South African. I can make shivs out of things you don’t even want to know about.”

- Catherine and Liz

***

Catherine found some old quotes in a file somewhere, which never made it onto the board. Some of these are as old as 2006, while some are quite recent:

***

“After me, no man was good enough for her – not even God.”

- Nicholas, on his ex-girlfriend, who then became a nun before leaving holy orders and coming out as a lesbian

***

“I would get knocked up just for the dental care.” – Liz

***

“There are no adverse weather conditions in my vagina!” – Margaret

***

“There’s nothing wrong with puppet sex from a philosophical perspective.” – Erin

***

“All the boys just want you for your PhD, Erin.” - Margaret

***

“We would have noticed a velociraptor picking the lock. I think.” - Margaret

2010, part III. and 2011, part I.

* * *

"If Jesus had used a proper rota, he would never have been crucified!!" - Margaret

* * *

"If you have weasels every day, what do you do for Christmas?? That's what I've always said!" - Margaret

* * *

“Sorry … you just pointed to a massive pile of crap … within ANOTHER massive pile of crap … to inform me which JENGA PIECE in that pile-of-crap-within-a-pile-of-crap … was my delicious chocolatey treat?!” – Margaret
“I thought you might need some guidance … ?” – Catherine

* * *

“I just didn’t know that ground-up jihadis prevented dandruff.” – Catherine
“It’s a newly discovered phenomenon.” – Malcolm

* * *

“Supporting the weight of your own head is for LOSERS.” – Catherine

* * *

“It says wind speed is 8… um, kts?”
“Knots?”
“… Maybe.”
“Catherine Martin, meteorologist!”
“Hey! There were letters missing!”
“And as we all know, you CAN’T read something when some of the letters AREN’T there.”
“… I hate you.”
“LOL.”
- Catherine and Margaret

* * *

“Great. You’ve been back two hours and already we’re arguing over who got the stuffed owl drunk for the first time.” – Catherine

* * *

“I need crack!” – Peter, 2 years and ten months

* * *

“Claire was FLIRTING with me.” – Peter, 2 years and ten months

* * *

“For a three-foot-tall stuffed snowman, it’s actually rather tasteful.” – Grace

* * *

“Feudal Japanese society was obviously a bit more duty-bound than Victorian society – if you threw a bad dinner party, your social superiors couldn’t order you to commit ritual suicide.” – Catherine
“Yeah.” – Margaret
“Actually, that would be kind of awesome. ‘The soup was lukewarm! You must commit seppuku!’” – Catherine
“ ‘No, no, that’s the fish knife, you wanton!! Use the meat knife!’” – Margaret

* * *

"I went into Tesco to get a sandwich, and came out with two bottles of champagne and lottery tickets." - Malcolm
"I think I just fell in love with you all over again." - Margaret