2011, Part V.

I'm sure there were some from the trip to America, but I didn't write any of them down. So if anyone recalls anything funny that was said, let me know! In the meantime, here are some from before we left:

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“I loved Brownies – at least, until the cops showed up.” – Malcolm

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“You don’t get badges for being a Scout leader. Except for ‘yay – Head Paedophile!’” – Malcolm

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“We’re perfectly sane! We have a flowchart!” – Cat

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“You can move faster without pants.” – Moray

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“WHERE ARE YOUR ARMOURED PANTS NOW??” – Liz

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“We have to demystify knifeplay for the child.” – Margaret

“Yeah – send him to Auntie Liz. I’ll teach him all about playing with knives.” – Liz

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“Kentucky – it’s all guns and paedophilia.” – Margaret

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“Kentucky snuff porn – that’s how our dinner parties end up!” – Cat

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“I was about to say ‘I’m off to go Holborning’ but then I realised that makes a really bad verb.” – Meg

“Hey, burn a ho for me while you’re there!” – Margaret

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“Right, I’m going to go get a bottle of wine and a screwdriver. Because I’ve got MY night planned!” – Malcolm

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WARNING: TMI COMING UP!!! LOOK AWAY NOW UNLESS YOU'RE OKAY WITH THAT. AND DON'T SAY YOU WEREN'T WARNED.

(this was in response to a dream I'd had in which someone was posting everyone's penis size on Facebook.)

“So it wouldn’t bother you AT ALL if I put ‘my husband’s penis is so big it’s like a TANK’ on Facebook RIGHT NOW?” – Margaret

“I think it would bother you more than it would bother me, so yeah, I’m prepared to call your bluff.” – Malcolm

“If I wrote, ‘It’s so big it’s like A JET ENGINE THAT CAN CHOP UP GEESE?’ You’d be okay with that?” – Margaret

“The purpose of a penis is not to chop up geese.” – Malcolm

“IT’S A SIMILE!!!” – Margaret