2012, Part II.

“WE ARE ON INSTANT MESSENGER FOR FIFTEEN MINUTES AND ALREADY TIME-TRAVELLING JEEVES IS HAVING SEX WITH CAPTAIN JACK WHILE SMUGGLING ARMS FOR THE SANS-CULOTTES NAPOLEONIC RESISTANCE.” - Margaret

“Instant Messenger 2004: we write brilliantly erotic, politically aware slash fiction. Instant Messenger 2012: we make plans to enslave our hapless single male friends as our pirate butlers. I'm not sure if our lives have improved or gotten a lot worse.” - Margaret

“You know what?  We should have a drinking game for The Apprentice, but because we're not drinking alcohol at the moment, we should drink TEA.  Wouldn't that be fun?"
"No. That would be boring."
"No, it would be AWESOME.  Like, every time they said 'Lord Sugar,' we'd be like, 'sluuuuurp'."
"No. That would be boring."
"Malcolm, I just don't think you're ready to handle my wild partying lifestyle." - Margaret and Malcolm

"It involves interior design and judging people - how could I NOT love it??" - Margaret

"I spend all day figuring out how to teach children about Jesus - I just want to come home and relax with some cocaine and hookers!" - Margaret

"STOP THE TRAIN! I'M METROSEXUAL!!" - Malcolm

“While I'm filled with the love of the Holy Spirit, I'll look out for the gay foot fetishists checking out my socks.” - Catherine

“Now I just have to sit here and smoke Jesus ...” - Margaret

“I'm just saying, if you're going to have a fetish, feet are more readily available than soft-bosomed clown dentists.” - Liz

“Board me rig, booze tit vixen!” - Margaret

“We played poker last night and now you have to make out with a sheep. That you may or may not have to catch.” - Catherine

“I mean, I DID threaten him with a knife once ...” - Catherine

“Yeah, but it was a long time ago, and it COULD have been an accident.” - Margaret

“I feel a sudden irresitible urge to get a vajazzle and spit on a tramp.” - Margaret, upon crossing the border into Essex

“You can't shivvy RAPE!!” - Liz

“We can go into the woods and sacrifice Liz to the God of the arse-nettles.” - Margaret