2011, Part IV.

"I literally walked into the bar five minutes ago." - Malcolm
"As opposed to metaphorically walking into the bar?" - Margaret
"Oh yeah, metaphorically I walked into the bar an hour and a half ago! Metaphorically, I'm pissed already!" - Malcolm

* * *

"This is what I get for missing out on fellating the pepper shaker earlier." - Grace

* * *

"... says the man with the socks on his ears, who just dry-humped the chair ..." - Grace

* * *

"Coconuts are the most prudish of the fruits, I think."

"I think they have a bad effect on you afterwards. So really, you shouldn't sleep with a coconut."

- Catherine and Liz

* * *

"Well, anything goes when you're gay and at a minor-league baseball game." - Margaret

* * *

"You're just a sad pathetic person with a nice cardigan." - Margaret

* * *

"What, you feel like you have to put on your hat to say 'bupkis'?" - Grace

* * *

"Do you think they kidnapped a child to get laminate flooring for free, or are they just biding their time until the ransom comes in?" - Catherine

* * *
“I was an ICT Coordinator. I know that turning it off and on again solves 90% of problems.” – Malcolm

“Yeah, well, when I was working on an Intensive Care Unit, it didn’t work so well with the life support machines …” – Catherine

“It was the alarm that kept throwing you off. You HAVE to remember to turn the ALARM off.” – Liz

* * *

“Who knew that there were SO many stories about living in a bathroom?” – Liz

* * *

“That’s how we grow in Africa! We start with the head and just grow out!” – Liz

“Yeah, we always think the shrunken heads are the END of the process …” – Catherine

* * *

“Would you be interested in cutting the cord? Because they let dads do that if they want to.” – Margaret

“Would I be allowed to use a samurai sword? If so, definitely. Either that or a chainsaw.” – Malcolm

* * *

“Well, I have an ‘incendiary device hidden inside a vegetable’ story too!” – Liz

* * *

“So a marrow is a cross between a shotgun and a baby …” – Malcolm

* * *
"Wait, they don't die?"
"No, they don't die."
"FAIL." - Mommy and Marion on "Web Site Story"

* * *

I've found a few old quotes that never made it in:

* * *

"How do you know I couldn't love you?! Take that knife out of your stomach and you'd actually be pretty hot!" - Margaret

* * *

"I was hoping you were paying so much attention to the sympathetic shoulder-rubbing that you didn't notice the face-stabbing." - Catherine

* * *

"It's the outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual grace." - Margaret
"What is, Leyton?" - Catherine

* * *

Margaret: Max, you have to show leadership by example.

Max: I am NOT going to show leadership by bringing three interns into a porn photoshoot!

* * *

"I need to go down to the supermarket and hunter-gather some meat." - Kevin Josling (in, like, 2006)