2010, part II

"It's colder tonight than last night - I don't think we'll be able to have any romantic interludes in the park." - Margaret
"Awww." - Malcolm
"But we can have a quick snog by the rubbish bins if you like!" - Margaret"
"Yaaay!" - Malcolm

* * *

Margaret: Why do you keep showering the bed with writing implements? Is it some sort of symbolic love gift to me? If so, your tribal rituals are very weird.
Malcolm: It's a satirical commentary on the state of marriage in the 21st century.
Margaret: ... uh ... how?
Malcolm: I don't know.
Margaret: You might want to work on that bit.

* * *

"Aww, your two wives get high together - that's so sweet!" - Catherine

* * *

"It says the next exit is ... fermee?? Does that mean ... on fire?" - Margaret

* * *

"You'd be like, 'hello, may I sit in your living room and eat this book and gargle occasionally? It's for science!'" - Margaret

"And they'd be like, 'oh my God, I thought you went home!'" - Catherine

* * *

"It's MIDGET SPIES, Margaret! Live the dream!" - Catherine

* * *

“I think there’s a limit to how much phenomenal cosmic power you can have earning £100 a day.” – Margaret

* * *

“If you’re lying there, draped in the American flag, you can get one of your ‘peacekeepers’ to get you some wine.”
“What if I appoint you my peacekeeper?”
“I’m going for a cigarette.”
“If I don’t get wine, the terrorists win! I DON’T HAVE WINE! THEY’RE WINNING!” - Malcolm and Margaret

* * *

“I can’t believe we’re sitting here, talking about shepherd boy porn, while my husband is locked in the recycling centre. With a waxwork.” – Margaret

* * *

[about fish porn] “Imagine being the director.”
“So, is it the act of laying eggs, or the money shot that’s important?” – Malcolm and Harlequin

* * *

“Were you inspired by Harry Harrison? And Snorri Sturluson? And Magnus Magnusson?” - Malcolm
“Yeah, I’m just writing the part where the Stainless Steel Rat deals someone their death blow by answering questions about the Belgian economy.” - Catherine
“… That’s one talented rat.” – Margaret

* * *

“I’m 150 pages in and nobody’s even died yet!” – Margaret, reading an Agatha Christie novel
“I *hate* books where you get 150 pages in and nobody’s even died! I read a bunch of books to the Reception class the other day and nobody died at ALL. I’ve just ordered a bunch of new books for Reception, I can tell you that!” – Malcolm

* * *

“Actually, maybe arming sleep-deprived new mothers with needles and scissors isn’t the best idea …” – Margaret